You know what hurts?
When you think you already doing good but actually you are not.
And I just get to know that there were tons of mistakes I've done. That is why you need to have someone that can wake you up whenever you feel like closing your eyes forever. Someone who can tell you the truth even it always bitter. Well, the bitter the better, right? Like coffee ;-) oh so random.
I remember I watched Ustaz Kazim's talk. And he said, on the judgement day, our deeds will be our wealth. But then, your 'wealth' cannot guarantee that you won't bankrupt. Why? Because on that day, you will pay your sin with your deeds. So let say, you have a mountain of good deeds and yet you have to cut it a little by little to conceal your sins and the mountain might be a flat of sand. And imagine, if there is someone comes and claim you did bad thing to him, you have to cut it again.
Then, what left anymore? Nothing. From a mountain of deeds, it now becomes negative. Scare isn't it? We thought we already did so much deeds. But we forgot to remember our sins as well. Oh my.
"Begitulah kehidupan, Ada yang kita tahu, ada pula yang tidak kita tahu. Yakinlah, dengan ketidak-tahuan itu bukan berarti Tuhan berbuat jahat kepada kita. Mungkin saja Tuhan sengaja melindungi kita dari tahu itu sendiri." - Rembulan Tenggelam di WajahMu.
Yes. So keep doing good things since we don't even know how much it will be cut-off in the end.