Fasabrun Jamil
For the yesterdays and todays, and the tomorrows I can hardly wait for - Thank you.
How many years are needed to become ‘us’?

2 years.

Okay just kidding. Well, depends on how was your relationship status. Some may choose to get to know for a few months and get married while some might take like few years to move on to another stage.

But no matter how long it will take, I pray so that we manage to love each other unconditionally and  the most important is, to TRUST each other.

Well well. My friend told me that Wondermama Avenue K has been closed. I am not that sure since I didn’t passed by it like few months already. But then, since I miss their foods, I went to Wondermama at Bangsar.

The decoration was still simple yet nice, especially on the lighting part because my photos look quite good 😉.



And while waiting for the foods, I took few photos before I got a card and at that time I was like whaaaaaaat? I never expect people to do surprise for me because it's obvious. I mean, I already know that before they surprise me. In other words, I always know. Yeah. Like that. But this time, I must say that it was a success. 

I totally have  no idea about this and I was absolutely speechless 😂.


I love this because it has sentimental value. I got flowers, the most pretty baby breath together with cute little soap, and a card. And they are just perfect. 

“What was that thing that could make two people promise one another to spend every day of the rest of their lives together? Ah,I found it. It was a thing called love. A small simple word.” 
― Cecelia AhernThanks for the Memories
This is a story, about prayer.
When I was in standard 3, there was an ustazah told us to pray for our friends too. She said, the more you pray for others, the more you get. I once thought it was weird. If I was praying for other people, then what if other people got what I wanted while I didn’t?

But yeah, it was ustazah who said that and for me ustazah was someone who kindness cannot be denied, then I’ll just listened.

So, that time we already finished our final examination and yes, most of us got 5A’s. The only thing that can differentiate us was our marks. So, if you got 98%, then you will know you won’t get 1st place because everyone got 100% for every papers.

I tend to pray for my friends so that the 1st and 5th place were belongs to us even I was quite reluctant to do so by the way because yeah, the what-if reason. What if my friends got that and I didn’t? OMG I was so afraid to think about it.

And the day that all of us waiting for, came. We sat silently in class, waiting for the teacher to tell us our numbers. And yes, all of my friends secured the 1st place until 4th. And I thought maybe I was the fifth. Because I pray for them and of course I will get it too right? Ustazah said so. But, the 5th was not belongs to me. It was for someone else. And I was at 6th.

My heart broke into pieces. A very tiny pieces. I felt like crying. Why me? I pray for them and I didn’t get anything? Oh my this was so sad. So, when abah fetched me from school that day, he did asked me in the car. What number did I get? I told him six. And he was like, why so many? I said, it was because I pray so that all of my friends got the numbers between 1 to 5 but who knows, I got six. "Ain rasa doa Ain paling makbul kot". That was what I told him.  

Oh yes, I was serious when I said that. I didn’t jokes. But I saw abah’s reaction that time. He was smiling but at the same time he tried to be serious. So, when I was reached home, I went straight to my room and cried. Then, it was Zohor already. And now, I pray so hard. I asked Allah why He granted the prayer to all my friends but not me? I was happy for them that they can be on the stage and I wanted it too.

But I know, it’s too late already. I didn’t get any places and I’m not going to be there together with my friends. So, I went to school that day just to collect my textbooks until one of my classmates congratulate me. I don’t know what was it for but yeah, I just smile.

And when it came to my turn to collect textbooks, my teacher was like, “Haa ainyusra. Later follow me to office, you forgot your letter yesterday.”

“What letter?” I asked her.

“To invite your parents come during the prize giving ceremony. Kan you win the highest mark for BM and Anugerah Nilam.”

Oh.Em.Gee.

Oh that time we don’t have omg. We have ‘ow-oh?’

You know how I felt that time? I just wanted to fly over and keep flying and went home. I didn’t get the numbers, but Allah gave me something else. I know, I was having too much drama.

So, I can’t wait to go back. I wanted to tell abah and ma. And when the bell was ringing, I running to abah. I know where his port was. Under the shady tree. But that day I saw him talking to his friend and I slow down my pace and just walking. Abah’s friend asked me how many A’s I got. And I showed him five fingers. And then he asked again what number I got. I add another finger and it was six. Well, I don’t care anymore about my number.

Suddenly, he opened his wallet and gave me RM 20. Oh.Em.Gee. I mean, Ow-oh. Abah was smiling looking at me. Yela, I never saw that much money before this except during raya. I was looking back at abah, reluctant to take it. But then I took it straightaway when he said I can buy books with that money. Hello, who were going to ignore it for books right?

And when we were in the car, abah asked me a question. So, how many things you get today? I told him three. I got the highest mark for BM among standard 3 students. I got Anugerah Nilam. And I got RM 20 to buy books.

He asked me why I got them all. I said, don’t know.

It’s because you pray for others, that Allah granted you for more. Well, I was so happy at that time and starting that day, I know, the more I pray for others, the more Allah grant my prayers. It may not happen now. But you will see them later. The more you give, the more you get. What you give, you’ll get back. Ok that was out of topic.


So, never underestimate the power of prayer and giving.

p/s: Ustazah was my idol during my school time because all of them wearing baju kurung or jubbah and the long hijab and of course, without makeup. I found they are beautiful in their own way.

p/p/s: My ambition is to become an ustazah too.

p/p/p/s: But apparently, I didn’t achieve that ambition.

*sigh*
A Moment
There is an uncle who sell foods along the roadside nearby my LRT station. He used to cook on his tri-wheel motorcycle and every menu will be cooked upon order. I started to saw him when I bought keropok with the aunty beside him and suddenly he was smiling looking at me. He was happy indeed. He was doing the right thing that makes him happy with his life.

And started from that day, I always bought my dinner from him right after I went back from office until one day, there were no more seller along the roadside. I don’t know why.

So I used to cook and sometimes I bought food from KLCC as my dinner which was quite pricey of course. One day, when I was waiting for my ice-blended, I accidentally throw my view across the road and guess who I saw? HIM. Yes, I saw him with his tri-wheel motorcycle.

Then, after grabbed my ice-blended, I crossed the road and went straight away to him. I ordered tomyam seafood and white rice. I took RM 8 from my purse because I thought it might be not more than that. And guess how much it cost? RM 6. I asked him few times because well, I used to daydream and wandered sometimes. So I was afraid if my mind was not there.

And he told me once again. RM 6. And since I already took RM 8, then I just gave him RM 8. I told him that that’s my treat. And he was like, “But this is too much...” with his shocked expression. 

You know what, I almost, I repeat, almost want to cry. It just RM 2. It’s not that too much. Even Milo ice cost RM 5 at my place.

I said, “it’s okay”. I was smiling and walked away. And I heard he said “Thank you.” And I couldn’t stop my tears. I cried.

Why I was being too adaptable with him?

Because I used to feel what he feels. Everything that I want, I have to work by myself. I never ever asked my parents to support me. Not even during my study time. If they gave it to me, then I’ll take it. But I never asked for more.

That uncle was like my past. Allah let me to meet him for a reason, so that I remember those previous years before this day.

*wipe tears again*

I’ll pray so that you will always be happy with what you do. And I’ll pray so that Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful grant you a happy life and enough earning for you and your family.

And just to let you know, there is a stranger (which is me), who adore your kindhearted.

Rezeki itu seluas langit dan bumi. Jika rezeki sudah habis, maka hayat hidup juga sudah tamat. Begitulah ketetapan Allah. Rezeki, ajal, maut semua milikNya.
...
"You don’t have to act kind, kindness will appear from you."  
pause.
There was a time in our life that we thought we were so tired and we wanted to stop everything but we just can’t. Well, when in doubt, learn how to pause. Not just stop.

Sometimes the right moment comes after we thought we’ve made a wrong decision. But Allah won’t let we go through something if we are not capable enough, right?

Because Allah knows the perfect time to give you something even you think it’s difficult to face. So, I take it lightly. It is life by the way. You don’t have to expect too much from this temporary life. You don’t even know till when you will keep breathing too.

So pause a while. Close your eyes. Stay away from any distraction especially the cheap talks. The best surely coming.

It’s already October. Only 2 months left and yes, that’s a wrap for this year. There is no such thing like starting a new life for me. It is still the same life, but maybe with a new decoration. 
Nothing is difficult if you seek it through your Lord, and nothing is easy if you seek it through yourself.
I know I am a sinner. But what I don’t know is, Allah is always being nice to me even I did something bad. And it makes me ponder. Every time when I was down, He let me met people who can brighten my day, and makes me think even more.

What I am looking for actually?

When I was in my university life, I wanted to graduate with flying colors’ result and Allah granted my wish. After that, I wanted to do internship at the company where I can develop my skills, and Allah granted it as well.

Then, I wanted to get a job, but Allah hold it for a while and He granted my prayer later on and I am working here until now, Alhamdulillah.

Yes, people will look at me as a very fine young lady. But what people didn’t know is, I found out that I was a little bit distracted with my daily life routine. It was sad knowing that. I rarely attend Islamic talks like what I used to do before this. I rarely listen to my friends’ problems and I rarely listen to the random talks about religion.

I am RARELY or maybe DIDN’T do that as much as before.

I almost forgot how I walked in the dawn with my friends after went back from qiyamullail. We were so happy back then after spending our night with our Creator. Our day was so productive. We went for a walk, giggling together, eating together and studying together. What a wonderful moment.

I love qiyamullail. It was when you stayed together in the mosque and be so so so close with Allah. There was no bad word there. Only zikir and Quran recitation. It feels nice. It was so quiet and a little bit cold. The lighting was quite dimmed as well. People were all nice and sometimes they cried during zikir and Quran recitation. Some were lost in their prayer. I was there too. Doing the same thing. But no longer now.

A person, who I called Kak Adna, was once told me that she thought she got married quite early. I think it was just nice since she got married when she was 25. She told me that, I should go and learn as much I can before getting married. Because I might be busy doing other things after I am married.

But I get busy now even I am not married yet. The only source of knowledge that I get is from book because I love reading even I was standing in LRT. I know. Anti-social they said. But I have to find time. If it’s not, then my life will getting dull. My knowledge will just be on the same par.

So, what actually I want?

I don’t know.

Maybe I need my brother. Maybe I need his sarcasm advice and do the storytelling about life of the hereafter or whatnot. He always tell story to me and makes me wanted to be one of the character in his story too, and try to be a better me.

How long will it takes to be kind?

Because I will try to be one. Even it takes forever.

And that’s what I want. To be kind. 
A box of flower and love
I was wandering around looking through the album at the café and suddenly I got a phone call. At first, I was hesitate to answer. Yela kan, I was still in my lunch hour and somehow got a phone call from unknown number?

But then that person repeatedly called me and my friend was telling me to just answer it. Okay then.
The moment when I said ‘hello’, I heard a guy’s voice telling me that he had something to deliver and he was at receptionist already. And I was so clueless. Delivery? What delivery? From who?

Then, after took our coffee, my friend and I quickly walking to KLCC. By the way, we were having lunch at Avenue K at that time and I was so tired walking in that fast pace since I was wearing jubah that day. Plus, I felt sorry towards that delivery guy because I was so late to reach there.

And.

Guess what I got.

A box of flower. I got purse and phone on my right hand, and iced coffee on my left. Then how was I going to bring that box to the office? Ergh.

Finally, after struggling (hard) a little bit, I manage to put it on my table.


Tadaa! Baby breath! And it comes together with the cute little soap. 


I love it so much! Well, frankly speaking, I didn't know the meaning behind of this flower and of course, I won't google it too for sure because yeah, I don't care what it's meant to be, as long as I like it, and as long as it was delivered by my favorite person. 

And that should be fine 😉

...
“He said that we belonged together because he was born with a flower and I was born with a butterfly and that flowers and butterflies need each other for survival.” ― Gemma MalleyThe Declaration
What is depression
Depression is when you have to cry on your own and tell yourself that you are okay while you are not.


Of books and foods
I think everyone knows that I love books. And bookstores surely have become my must-visit-places during weekend. And since I have granted a permission to go to the bookstore every Saturday, then I’ll take it as my ‘Me Time’.

Being in a bookstore, with my favourite book and a cup of coffee surely the best thing ever. Oh, don’t worry. My friends won’t see that picture because I won’t upload it in Facebook, and I don’t have Instagram either. I will keep my random talks and photos only here, in my blog.

I have been in BookXcess last weekend. It took me one and half hour just wandering at the fiction’s rack. Well, obviously I didn’t go to the non-fiction’s side because my legs shaking already at that time. I don’t even remember that I stand for that period of time too. I only felt happy. And happy. And happy. 

And I forgot that I bring someone with me 😆.

So, I bought 3 books.

1. Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll.


Okay, frankly speaking, the purpose of buying Alice in Wonderland was just because I love the illustration. I know the story. I think, everyone knows it without reading. But I love children books. And I cannot makes my eyes away from it, thus, I bought.

Maybe I can share or doing the story telling with my little cousins someday.

2. Finding Audrey, Sophie Kinsella.


I just read three chapters of it when I was at the bookstore and I think it’s a nice piece of Kinsella. And yeah, another one to buy.

3. All We Left Behind, Ingrid Sundberg.


And last but not least, I found this book. I was quite reluctant to buy or not to buy it. I put it down, and took it back. And the action happened few times until I just took it and paid. I hope I didn’t regret my decision. I never regret the decision of buying books actually.

So yes, three books for last week. And let see what book I will buy this week. I mean, on Saturday. I hope Ma didn’t rolled her eyes when she knows this because she might asked me to buy Naelofar or Ariani or new blouse or shoes or whatever girlish. And whatever it is, I stand for book.

Okay let’s move on to food. I found a café, which I think quite nice. I mean, the environment and the kuih. And the teh ais. Hmm all good.

I went to Makan Culture on Friday during my leave. I took annual leave to settle few things. And after that, I headed to Melawati Mall and went through its directory before I decided to try food there. So, here there were.



By the way, the kuih was so good and tasty.

Okay that’s all. I am not pro in reviewing food. But I like them. K.
The best gifts come from the heart, not the store.
The only thing that I want is having a coffee and a book with my favorite person. I always wonder when that day will come. I know I can just simply go to any café and bring my book there and read. But I don’t want that.

I want people to ask me to do that. I don’t want to tell people like, ‘Hey, I want to buy a book and sit in the café while having a coffee.’ No. I know people won’t know what you want unless you tell them. But for me, I believe, some people will know things without being told. Because what is the purpose of having a chemistry if one cannot predict what one likes, right?

I keep it to myself like quite a long time, before I started working; that someday, I can make it real. But that day, surely won’t come yet.

I am so envy with people who can do that because I didn’t get the chance. Every week was busy with going here and there. Buying this and that. Somehow I was thinking. Can I not buying anything? Can I just sit in the café, having a real conversation about life with a book on the table?

Well, maybe the time is not coming yet. I dream it when I was 22 years old and now I am 26 years old. It ain’t easy to wait for the dream comes true, by the way 😃.

So, I think maybe I can put few pictures. Let’s get lost in dream because who knows it might turn out as a reality?
  
Perfect ❤
Just Perfect ❤
I passed by that cafe few times but never stay yet. Well, let see when 😉.

Dear Books, I miss you all 😢
Missing books is normal, I'm telling you. At least, for me. 
“When one has a grateful heart, life is so beautiful.”
What we have in our life is just perfect. We are lacking here, but we are more there. Allah already gives us just enough. No one is over-rich and happy. And no-one is over-happy and rich. There are certain things that we have more and less than others.

So, never look down to yourself. Well don’t worry. I understand the feeling of being down and always feel less. And at that time what I did was, ignoring people who tend to give me that negative vibes. I have a really-don’t-care attitude. It’s easy for me to ignore things or person who I don’t like.

I get used with it during my study time when there were so many people asked me ‘Where will I work after I finish my study?’ and ‘What can I do with my degree?’. You know how does it feel? It’s totally awful. But I can just swish swish those thing and pretended not to hear that. I act cool even I’m not.

We can’t shut people mouth. But they will shut it by themselves when they are too tired. Because in the end, you won’t lose nothing. Instead, you gain something. And we called it experience. Bad experience surely can turn out to be the best in the end. Trust me. Allah will never put you down as long as you remember Him and pray. Most important thing is, be grateful.

And, never forget who are with you most of the time. It’s your family. Only they understand your difficult journey. So, never ever ignore them when you are succeed. You are nothing without them.

You are where you are now because of their prayers.

Respect them. Often I observe people tend to forget who are with them at the first place during their hardships, but always mentioning those who are with them when they already succeed.

I am so lucky to have two families now (eh?) and they are all awesome I must say. I love them to the moon and the back. It’s really painful to know if one of them are sick. Because they are already near and dear to my heart that I can’t think of not having them around.

I know. I used to talk about family and parents. I want to remind myself about their kindness and what they already sacrificed for me. I want to remind myself about those past years of blood and tears. And I want to keep being me; the one and only Ain Yusra who they know.

I miss them. How dare they leave me alone after being there for 3 days and having fun together. Finally I’m alone as usual. Living myself to the same routine. Ergh.


No, I’m not going home this month (I will revise it again later).
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” 
― Epicurus
Not a flower surprise again
I love surprise. That’s when people are so busy with their work and suddenly your surprise appear in front of them. And that’s what I am trying to do.

We are so busy managing our daily tasks and sometimes we don’t even have time to WhatsApp with each other. I am in IT industry while he is in engineering field. So our job scope are totally different. But yeah, I need his knowledge sometimes when it comes to turbine, compressor and etc. 🙄.

And I also told him the differences between license server and ftp server so that he aware about it and not simply said ‘server is down server is down’ because server is not easily down by the way. Ok, I should stop giving lecture.

Going back to the surprise, yeah, I found out a website that sell cakes, cookies and chocolates. And the best part is, they deliver on the SAME DAY. So being an impatient me, I really appreciate the same day delivery. Yela kan. Takkan orang stress harini pastu nak bagi surprise 3 hari selepas kan. Like seriously?

So I scroll and scroll and yes! I found it!

Macaroon!

Why I bought it for the surprise? Because I love the box. It looks so exclusive for me. Plus, I had enough with flowers. So I choose macaroon and add on a card. Of course I need to wish something to cheer up the day right?

So after few clicks, tadaa! Macaroon has been processed to be delivered to the right person.

And of course, my surprise indeed successful because my fiancé was so shocked and didn’t expect it. Well, if he had expected it to come, then we don’t call it surprise la. We called it spoil. Luckily he likes it. Plus, he said the macaroon was so nice and I was relieved.

But I am the expected person 😝
Syafakallah by The Vespa Rider
I was having a little bit headache lately and I thought I need therapy or rest. And as usual, being in the bookstore must be a good try to remove all illness (for me). So yeah, I grab these two books last week and already finished in two days. In conclusion, my headache gone after two days without consuming any pills. How nice.


Title: Syafakallah
Author: The Vespa Rider
Pages: 170
Where I bought: Kinokuniya KLCC

What I expect?

I once thought that this book is like hipster poem. Like,

You thought I’m weak,
But I’m strong.
.
.
.
.

And the full page is leaving blank. So wasting.

That was what I thought la.

What it actually tells?

Then I brought that book to TBS and read it while waiting for my bus. And guess what? I did LOVE it by just reading the introduction or should I said, I LOVE it for the very first page of this book.
It is about life and the writer’s observation. The writer claims that the poems are raw pieces. Yes, it is indeed raw pieces. It is from the heart (the writer’s heart I mean) (eh memandai pulak tau hati orang @___@) and everything just hit me directly on my face. That’s why I found it too deep. Maybe because I was a little bit adapted? Well, maybe.

And I think it is a good choice of book to read especially for the youngsters out there. Don’t worry, you can understand all of them. It’s not like a Shakespeare’s piece pun so don’t be afraid. There’s a lot of things that you can learn and ‘see’ from what the writer is trying to say. And of course, you might have the feeling of being ‘the better you’ after you finish it.


Let’s try to read, ok?
Memories, even your most precious ones, fade surprisingly quickly.

It is sad knowing that I don’t have many pictures and videos of my family. We are indeed always together but still, we are human being and we just live temporarily. In the end, there will be only memory left. So I decide to capture as much pictures and videos as I can and make folders just for them. And I separate it into two. One for my parents and another one for family.

I once read article in Reader’s Digest regarding this matter and it makes me ponder about myself. Yes, I didn’t record my parents’ voice and I was so scared if I forgot how they sound. So, with the latest technology in the market, I used to have their live photos and HD videos as well. I can watch them clearly.

I capture every moment with them, be it in the car or at restaurants; I just took their photos and sometimes they don’t even know that I did. Well, it’s sad to know how our parents keep taking our photos since the first day we born until now, but we just have a few photos of them.

I was quite impacted by the article and thanks to the writer that I just found out about this and still have time to do so. If not, I think I will regret it till the end of the day. People come and go, of course. But we have the option to let their memory stay, right?

Soon, we will lose them. And as time passed by, we will slowly forget their voice, their laugh and their smile. And I want to keep them all. Who knows that we will watch it again in 3 years later and giggling together looking how we are aging. Kan?

I miss home.

And of course I am going to go back again.

And I am going to capture as much memory as I can.

Who cares if I am already 26 years old and still homesick? 
Sometimes, what you need is ignoring thing that blocking your journey and keep walking. Why letting people to decide on your behalf? You have your own opinion and this is your life. Make it worth before it is too late to discover.
I love that. Shall we make a move for a better life?